The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
