This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize