I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
