I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
