Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
