you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
