She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
