clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
