weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize