The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
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