:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
