You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
