Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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