you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
