I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
