Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
