Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
