Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize