I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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