Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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