yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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