The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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