I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he told me I talked like a deaf person
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
