I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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