He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
