it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
