I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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