the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
