I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Randomize
