take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
