I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize