WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
How does it feel to date your dad?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
