Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
