At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
