she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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