just tell him i said nine months
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
