I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
