Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
