dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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