WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
