remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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