Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
