so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I think I won the penis lottery.
are you so shy because you have an std?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
