My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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