this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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