I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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