I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
