so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
