We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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