My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i now understand why vodka
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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