Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
