either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
