I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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