i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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