He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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