And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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