About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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