So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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