TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
