it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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