I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
