you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
