if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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