I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
