i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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