just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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