sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize