weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
