The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
