i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i now understand why vodka
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize