i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
