i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
