Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
