i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
