Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
