Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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