I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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