NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize