i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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