How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
