I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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