im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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