I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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