cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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