just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
