Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i will never coherently bang her
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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