i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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