my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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