What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize