Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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