Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
