I hope mine doesn't look like that
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
