i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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