those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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