Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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