I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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