in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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