i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
