am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Screwed.edu
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
