RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize