I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
