That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
