I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I AM VODKA MAN
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize