i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Are we still banned from the library?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
