My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
