Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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