He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
