I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
