and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Found the puke drawer
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I touched a dick in church today
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
