I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
