4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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