he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
