I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
